What happens when we take the time to take a less aggressive approach and really coach ourselves through fear…
Radical self love means holding space for fear. I’ve thought for years that fear was this big aggressive voice within me. In more recent times I’ve connected more deeply with fear and asked them to come out and talk with me. What I found was that for me fear was a little girl of about 6-8 years old. And she was utterly terrified.
“More often than not fear is the child within us who is tugging at our shirt saying no don’t go out there it’s scary.”
By taking a second to explain that it’s okay and it’s alright to be nervous and anxious and that we are strong and we are capable with examples of how we’ve done big scary things in the past and that we have survived and even thrived we can begin to have a real conversation with ourselves. By taking a moment to explain that we have everything we need we open the doors of communication with the ourselves. We begin to build a belief that we are capable of doing hard things and the buddings of self trust begin to bloom. And that little girl grows just a bit more confident and brave.
You don’t need the whole world to believe in you. You simply need to grab that little boys hand within and begin the journey together.
The aggressive approach I mentioned at the beginning of this post will be angry and tell you that you are being weak and ridiculous and to just go do the damn thing. Now I have a question for you, friend. If someone else were to belittle you and berate you and tell you that you’re being dumb would you trust them? Would you want to listen to their opinion? Likely not, right? Because being treated like shit isn’t a good way for someone to form the bonds of trust and love and support.
With that in mind I’ll ask you this…if our approach to fear and pain is aggression towards ourselves is it any wonder that you don’t trust yourself?
We don’t want to shame our fear. We don’t want to tell ourselves that we are being silly because in reality we are not being silly and there may be a real reason to be scared. It’s impossible to trust ourselves when something really BIG is happening if we’ve belittled and berated ourselves for the small things. Trust is built slowly, over time, with little actions of support, love, and kindness.
Fear isn’t a loud voice.
It’s a whisper.
It’s a tiny voice that isn’t driven by ego. It’s a small part of our brain which has a super important job. It’s supposed to keep us from getting eaten by lions and bears. But we don’t encounter those too much in our daily lives. It also keeps us from walking in front of cars – well most of us that is. Teenagers seems to struggle with this – which makes sense as there are so many things happening in their brains at this time.
Would you rather listen? Here’s the corresponding podcast!
I have a short exercise for you. The next time you feel fear bubbling up for you I want you to take a moment to have a conversation with your fear rather than beating it into submission…
Have you tried this? How did it go? Let me know in the comments.
Beating it into submission always felt really terrible to me and further pushed my anxiety into overdrive. But by taking a moment and holding space for a part of ourselves that really is trying to help and keep us safe we can further build the trust and the bond within.
It’s important to give yourself grace, love, and genuinely take the time to honor every part of yourself – even fear.
That, my friend, is radical self love.
Have an amazing day and I’ll talk to you next time.